What is Adoption Counseling?

Often people do not know what adoption counseling entails. Sadly, it is unfamiliar to most because very few mental health professionals focus on addressing the needs of adoption triad members (adoptees, adoptive parents, and birthparents). I discovered this fact of unfamiliarity regarding professionals with adoptions expertise while I was employed as a social worker.  For example, during my time as a social worker, when I was providing support to foster care and adoptive families, I noticed unique psychosocial difficulties in families and children who had experienced adoption.  Many of these adoptive families would request support and part of my job as social worker was to connect them with resources in the community that could provide the support they needed.  However, I soon realized that many professionals were unaware of unique issues surrounding adoptions and were therefore only minimally helpful. Although counselors were often needed, there was a lack of professionals well versed in the area.  Unfortunately, after years of referring families to a variety of different counselors across metro Atlanta, my list of adoption specific counselors dwindled to three professionals. The fact that this shortage of clinical support for adoptive families existed in a city as large as Atlanta blew me away. 

Through graduate research, I further explored the existence of and need for adoption specific counseling. Consider this quote from Theresa Kennedy Porch in the Handbook of Adoption (2007) chapter titled Counseling Adoption Triad Members. 

Because it involves deep-rooted emotional issues that may significantly affect individuals throughout their lives, adoption is very likely to be a focal area for triad members who seek counseling. Therefore, adoption issues are relevant for counseling practitioners of both individual and family counseling. Yet despite the potential importance for clients, adoption generally has not been recognized as a significant area of exploration for counseling practitioners, and many counselors are unaware of the potential impact of adoption on clients. 

While this sounds surprising, I challenge you to ask adoption triad members you know about their experiences in counseling. Unfortunately, it is very likely that they’ve felt this way not only toward counselors, but also toward many other people in their lives that lack the knowledge or awareness necessary to grasp the impact of adoption on their life. 

Adoption in the U.S. has grown tremendously over the last decade, yet the impact of adoption is often still frequently misunderstood or unacknowledged. One demonstration of inadequately acknowledging the impact of adoption is seen by the omission of an adoption member status where other status information is represented (e.g., age, race, gender, socioeconomic status). Thus, society has not recognized this to be an important characteristic of a person or family’s makeup.  Omitting adoption as part of someone’s status has left adoption triad members feeling silenced about their adoption and it’s impact on their identity and life. Failing to acknowledge their adoption status as a major aspect of their identity (as age, race, gender, and status are – regardless of if we want them to be or not), promotes a tendency to disregard the life altering aspects of being raised in a family that is not their own or raising a child that is not their own. I think most would agree that these categorizations listed above often effect, to some degree, our concept of who we are.  Therefore, if adoption members continue to live under a silent or inadequately recognized status, how does this affect how they know who they are? Numerous research and case studies validate that most adoption triad members feel discouraged from allowing adoption to define who they are and what they experience in life. Nevertheless, adoption issues should be discussed, interpreted, and evaluated openly to facilitate healthy family life and individual development. 

Let’s consider the potential importance of adoption counseling for both adoptive parents and adoptees. Adoptive parents may experience a spectrum of emotional responses when they welcome adoptees into their home. While some feel they are family from the moment they meet (or the moment they saw photos), others struggle to feel the attachment they long for with their adoptee. Experiencing these challenges in bonding with the adoptee can produce overwhelming feelings of guilt, inadequacy, despair, and grief. Consider then the effects of failing to acknowledge the uniqueness of this parent’s adoptive parent status. Often unrealistic expectations to experience parenthood as birthparents do and desires to have an immediate bond flood the adoptive parent and can actually worsen their ability to cope and adapt. Adoption counseling provides an avenue for these adoptive parents to address their struggles with a professional well versed in the systemic, societal, and mental health challenges unique to their status as adoptive parents. 

In the situation of adoptees, their status, if it is acknowledged, is often introduced as being special. While specialness can be helpful in the development of self-esteem, as some adoptees report it to be, specialness can also become unnerving to children that desperately want to be like everyone else. Specialness as a status can increase adoptees feelings of aloneness. They can easily feel unlike their families, unlike their peers, and unlike those raised in their birth family’s environment. Although they may know other adoptees, their origin and adoption journey is unique and often still separates them from others that are supposedly similar to them. As children, this confusion and dissatisfaction regarding their identity often remains undefined and unexplored due to difficulty expressing themselves. As a consequence, these hidden struggles often manifest in behavioral difficulties, emotional outbursts, withdrawal or overcompensation, attachment challenges, social skill deficits, and educational struggles. Adoption counseling provides an avenue for these adoptees to learn effective ways to express themselves and begin to explore their adoptee identity with a professional well versed in the systemic, societal, and mental health challenges unique to their status as adoptees. 

There are many well-trained adoption caseworkers and adoption agency support staff that walk families through the adoption process. Adoption counseling aims to support families at the next, deeper level. It supports adoption triad members in a way that sheds light on their unique identities as adoption members and encourages the embracing and development of that identity. It is my hope that through adoption counseling, adoption numbers will continue to grow and more and more children in need of homes will be cared for. After all, adoption is greatly needed. However, if we continue to let families say yes to a journey that others are not adequately preparing them for, than adoption numbers will not increase.  Some results of failing to address this critical need of adoption specific counseling include adoptive families getting discouraged, adoptees feeling alone and misunderstood, and birthmothers changing their minds about adoption being the next best option.  Let’s work together to make adoption a beautiful, lifelong, and healthy process.

Written by Rachel Fishman, MA, LAPC, NCC

Contact Rachel at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Introduction to Rachel Fishman, MA, LAPC, NCC

My Perspective 

My views on the purpose and importance of counseling in today’s society are largely summed up by the word, Koinonia.  Koinonia is the greek word that integrates the concepts of sharing, relationship, and community.  The concept can also be found in scripture as there are many examples of Koinonia which encourages relationships and community as important avenues taken to maintain spiritual health and wellbeing.  

What scripture has held to be true for many years has also been validated by recent scientific research which has demonstrated that relationships and community with others are intricately tied to health, wellbeing, and happiness. However, despite the scriptural and scientific evidence espousing the benefits of relationships and community, our world promotes exactly the opposite: independence, self-sufficiency, privacy, and, in many cases, isolation.  In other words, these learned traits are the polar opposite of Koinonia.  Furthermore, many of these deeply rooted and poor habits go unchallenged during the course of our lives, and are partially culpable for why it is difficult for us to embrace—or at the very least—seek out community.  

Counseling provides a unique opportunity for God to use our struggling relationships, our inability to share, and our semblance of community—which are all possible symptoms of poor or unchallenged habits—to bring healing and growth in our lives.  As a counselor, people allow me to enter into Koinonia with them as they weather life’s trials. Although the counseling process is a unique journey for everyone, it is always a journey that ‘s a privilege to be a part of. 

My Journey 

Sharing, relationship, and community have always been a part of my life.  I grew up in a church community, and along with this, my family taught me to be acutely aware of those in our community that may be hurting. From the time when I was very young, I remember that we would pray for and reach out to others in our community that were struggling, regardless of how well we knew them. As I became older, I began to deepen my own desire to join with others in community, just as my family had done.  For example, during high school and college, I pursued volunteer opportunities serving my local inner-city communities, supporting survivors of sexual abuse at a child advocacy center, and working with parents of children with behavioral challenges at a hospital clinical; these formative experiences which began at a young age, opened my eyes to those in need of support and advocacy and confirmed my desire to work with others experiencing trials or difficulties in their lives. 

After receiving a Bachelor’s in Psychology from the University of Florida, I accepted an internship opportunity in the New Orleans Ninth Ward. The internship involved intensive study of issues surrounding urban ministry, racism, and social justice—all of which were examined from biblical and historical perspectives.  Reflecting back on the completion of that internship, I am confident that experience permanently instilled a desire to see the beginnings of restoration and reconciliation in all places and with all people.  

Subsequently, after moving to Atlanta, I began to look for work which would afford me the opportunity to work toward these goals of reconciliation and restoration. Eventually, I determined that social work would allow me to providing support to foster care and adoptive families at a local non-profit. Thus, I began a several year long journey of working towards restoring Georgia’s foster care and adoption system.  Specifically, my place as a social worker provided me an avenue to walk with children through a variety of upheavals such as depression, suicidal ideation, fear, grief, behavior difficulties, attachment issues, educational challenges, and significant instability. I also supported families through the process of adoption, beginning with their consideration and preparation all the way to post-placement adjustments, doubts, and cultural challenges.  To my surprise, this experience also revealed a significant absence of counselors competent to help families through the process and challenges of foster care and adoption—an important need that I continued to remember and advocate for, after I left my social work position. 

After deciding to leave social work, I had an opportunity to live out many of the realities I had previously witnessed in New Orleans.  My next career step involved spending a year alongside children attending inner city middle schools and high schools in the Atlanta area.  Each day I noticed the challenges they faced such as poverty, drugs, inadequate education, peer pressure, hopelessness—all on top of peers and family members who questioned the legitimacy of true faith. Working in these settings provided me firsthand experience regarding their unmet needs. Additionally, it clarified and provided reasons for my desire to pursue a Master’s degree in Counseling—enabling and equipping me to better serve these needs. 

In 2009, I attended Wake Forest University and obtained my Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. The program at Wake Forest used a cohort educational model that provided individualized mentorship by internationally respected professors and practitioners as well as challenging intellectual environment which fostered my clinical development. While in North Carolina, I provided substance abuse counseling services to adolescents and their families at a day treatment facility. I utilized motivational interviewing theory and techniques while providing individual, group, and family counseling services. I also spent a year seeing a variety of clients at a community based counseling center. Here I saw clients anywhere from ages 5 to 65 regarding a variety of concerns. 

My Services 

I am thrilled to be back in Georgia and to a part of the team at Restoration Counseling of Atlanta. I am committed to the Christian faith and perspective and firmly believe that a relationship with Christ is integral to spiritual health and wellbeing. I chose to pursue my counseling degree at Wake Forest University as opposed to other integrated programs out of a desire to strengthen my ability to counsel clients from different spiritual backgrounds. Although I hold a Christian worldview, I have experience working with clients from diverse spiritual backgrounds and therefore incorporate spirituality into counseling at a level which can be determined by the client. In clinical practice, I largely incorporate behavioral theory and a client-centered approach. I maintain a strengths-based therapeutic atmosphere capitalizing on innate strengths and abilities that are unique to the individual(s) I am counseling.  Additionally, I incorporate the use of psycho-education, creativity, and interactive skill-building techniques in order to tailor the session to the needs of my clients. 

I am currently available to provide individual and family counseling to those dealing with behavioral challenges, anxiety, depression, divorce recovery, suicidal ideation, substance abuse, delinquency, domestic violence, abuse, identity confusion, dependency, family discord, job loss, career decision making, financial stress, and parental conflict. 

I also provide specialized counseling for members of foster care and adoption. Common topics addressed in pre-adoption counseling include infertility, grief and loss, adoption consideration, marital/partner agreement, financial challenges, racial and cultural considerations, support systems, resources, and psycho-education. Additionally, counseling services for adoptees address identity development, self-efficacy, cultural and social barriers, attachment, history of trauma, behavior management, grief, and anger management. 

Birthparent and family counseling is also provided for mothers and their families that have surrendered their children to adoption. Birthparent counseling often addresses guilt, anxiety, grief and loss, depression, loss of memories, intimate relationships, and identity. Foster care specific counseling addresses anger, distrust, fear, identity development, behavior management, educational challenges, instability, delinquency, and referral to additional community resources.

Contact Rachel at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Restoration Counseling of Atlanta now features services to families and children who have experienced a traumatic event or have experienced severe grief/adjustment that have interrupted social, behavioral, and/or academic functioning.  A majority of the treatment process will be conducted through TF-CBT (Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), an empirically-supported, structured practice for treating trauma in its various forms.

For more information contact Jordan R. Yates. 

SEVEN-PART SERIES

Never Underestimate the Power of a Timeout

We’ve all heard that cooler heads always prevail.  Only problem is it’s not always easy to keep a cool head.  Lucky for sports teams and families alike, we all have timeouts at our disposal. 

In sports, the concept of a timeout is pretty well understood.  On the football field, whenever a team is in disarray, caught off guard, or something just doesn’t look right – an astute football coach won’t hesitate to signal for a timeout before potential disaster occurs.  That way, his players have a minute to rest, regroup, and review the initial game plan before heading back into action. 

In baseball, timeouts are even more intentional in its purpose.  On the diamond, all of the timeouts are done through the nauseating “meetings on the mound,” which usually occurs when a pitcher either can’t find the strike zone or isn’t missing too many bats.  The pitching coach, always methodical in his approach, usually strolls out to the mound and calmly addresses the pitcher and the infielders, sometimes even cracking a joke to ease the tension of the situation and calm the rattled pitcher’s nerves.  More often than not, the pitching coach leaves the mound with a more focused and upbeat pitcher on the rubber than the pitcher he did at the onset of the meeting. 

So, it’s no mystery why coaches these days get paid the top dollars for their ability to make the appropriate game time decisions such as knowing when and where to call a timeout. In fact, some might even argue that the art of knowing when and where to call a timeout is just as important to being an effective coach as motivating and relating to players. 

Unlike managing a sports team, managing a family can be a thankless job.  However, the rewards for managing a family go beyond any level of monetary compensation, especially when it’s effectively done.  And, if cooler heads do in fact prevail in nearly all situations – than implementing timeouts within families might just be an effective way of managing interactions before they also become disastrous. 

Usually whenever timeouts are thrown into the discourse of parents and their children, people think about an out-of-control pre-K or elementary-aged child being placed into a corner until enough time elapses for the child to recognize the consequences of his actions.  But, another underlying purpose of a timeout, even in this case, is to help de-escalate the emotions of the child as well as – and this is what some often fail to acknowledge – the emotions of the parent.  

The feeling of powerlessness and disappointment many parents feel when they observe their child behaving in a manner that is either out of the child’s character or out of the character of how they raised that child to behave can ironically put the character of that parent in question with how he or she chooses to react to the situation at hand.  Fortunately, putting that child in timeout not only calms the child down, but also calms the parent down, reducing the chances of either the parent or child doing something to make matters worse.  Due to this, timeouts continue to be the standard for parents and school teachers alike for intervening in undesired behavior.  

Unfortunately, when those pre-K and elementary-aged children grow up, their defiance doesn’t necessarily ease up.  And, when those terrible twos become terrible teens, they appear as if their better equipped to defy their parents’ authority with 100x the vocabulary the once had, an even stronger sense of entitlement, and a new theme of what they believe to be “fairness in the world.” And, there will be times when a timeout could be used as a tool even then, without necessarily physically putting your teenager into a corner like in the old days, but implementing a break in the discourse with the same premise of de-escalating both the parent and child’s emotions. 

In order for this to work, however, there is a six-step process that should be explained to and used by all family members – including children – who are old enough to understand the concept of a timeout.  

1. Simply identify the fact that you are feeling angry.  Physical warnings of feeling angry include an increased heartbeat, clenched fists or teeth, as well as heated sensations in the limb or face area. 
2. Admit to yourself and whoever you are interacting with that you’re feeling angry and would like to “take a break,” or “call a timeout.”  Also, calmly remind the person that the issue will be readdressed once you’ve had time to cool off.
3. Take the timeout.  Since the concept of the timeout has already been explained to everyone in the family, it should be respected by all family members. 
4. Leave the area for 30 minutes to an hour – no more and no less – and do something that typically relaxes you.  Try to think about something else outside of the stressful event you just encountered. (Much like the pitching coach who cracks a joke with his pitcher and infielders to take their minds off the on-field issues)
5. If your go-to relaxation measures aren’t working, use other relaxation techniques that have been empirically proven to help control stress and tension such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
6. After the 30 minutes to one hour is up, contact the family member or members and ask them if they’re ready to readdress the issue and begin talking again.

At first, calling a timeout might come off as awkward and contrived but – just like anything else – the more it’s done, the more natural it will come off to you and your family.

Written by: Jordan R. Yates, MAMFT, LAPC   Children, Adolescent and Family Therapist at Restoration Counseling of Atlanta